


The Gang Has Super Powers

by InsanityRule



Series: It's Always Sunny Script Fics [1]
Category: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Genre: Emotional Manipulation, M/M, Relationship is mostly Mac and Dennis being Mac and Dennis, Screenplay/Script Format, superhero
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-23
Updated: 2015-03-06
Packaged: 2018-03-14 17:00:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 8,089
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3418493
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/InsanityRule/pseuds/InsanityRule
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They're not your first choice for the next group of superheroes. In fact, they're probably the eighth choice after the kids throwing rocks at the public pool. But they can probably get their act together for the greater good.</p><p>Maybe.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

[10:45 am.]  
[On a Friday.]  
[Philadelphia, PA.]  
[Bar door opens. Mac and Charlie enter. They’re itching themselves a lot.]  
Dee: Why the hell are you itching so much? Bed bugs again?  
Mac: Do you or Dennis feel weird?  
[Charlie’s rubbing his arms as if he’s cold.]  
Dennis: Weird how? This itching you’re both doing is probably a rash or quite possibly glue withdrawal.  
Charlie: Naw man this is weird. [Wriggling around.]  
Mac: Is the AC out? [He’s really sweaty.]  
[CHarlie yells in frustration and throws himself on the floor.]  
Dee: Dennis. Dennis this doesn’t look good for us.  
[Dennis is sweating. He looks like he’ll throw up.]  
Dee: Goddamnit you too!? What the hell is going on?

[The Gang Gets Super Powers.]  
[Theme music.]  
[Charlie is curled up by an electrical socket.]  
[Mac is in the bathroom staring in a mirror while braced against the sink.]  
[Dennis appears to have a migraine. He’s hiding out in the back office with the lights off. He's lying on the floor face down.]  
[Dee is walking around, tripping all over herself.]  
Dee: Charlie. Charlie I think we need to go to the hospital.  
Charlie: No no no no, no hospitals. [Shaking.]  
Dee: What if we’re dying Charlie? Huh? You wanna die here?  
Charlie: Shut up shut up shut up! [Hands covering his ears.]  
[An arc of electricity shoots from the socket to Charlie’s hand. He squawks.]  
Dee: Jesus Charlie what did you do!?  
Charlie: I… I don’t know! I didn’t lick it or anything!  
Dee: Do it again.  
Charlie: What!  
Dee: Yeah, do it again!  
Charlie: I don’t know how I did it before!  
Dee: Try something.  
Charlie: [Angry stares at the socket. Nothing.] [He groans.] I think it was a flute.  
Dee: Fluke.  
Charlie: Yeah that too.  
Mac: [Bathroom door slams open.] Guys! Guys!  
[Liam McPoyle exits the bathroom.]  
Charlie: Ah! McPoyle!  
Dee: I’ll get the rat stick! [Turns to fast and falls.]  
Mac: [McPoyle’s body, Mac’s voice.] No guys wait! [Liam punches himself in the face and morphs into Mac.] It’s me!  
Dee: Holy…  
Charlie: Shit.

[Dennis is still face down on the floor.]  
[Someone is banging on the door.]  
Dee: Dennis! Dennis open up!  
[He groans.]

[Outside the office door.]  
Dee: Open this door Dennis Reynolds!  
Charlie: I’ll use the vent. [Charlie runs out the back door.]  
Mac: Who should I be when we get the door open?  
Dee: What? Just be you, Mac.  
Mac: [Snaps his fingers.] I got it. [Squares his shoulders and crouches.]  
Dee: Are you taking a shit?  
Mac: I’m focusing!  
Dee: Yeah, on shitting your pants. Go do that in the bathroom.  
Mac: [He stands.] I think I need a mirror, not because you told me to go!  
Dee: Whatever.

[In office.]  
[Dennis turns to face the vent when he hears thumping.]  
[A light flickers inside the vent several times. The cover pops off and Charlie emerges. His hair is standing straight up.]  
Charlie: Whoo, that was wild. [He hops down and turns on the light.] [Dennis curls up.] What’s with you dude?  
Dennis: Migraine. Turn that off.  
Charlie: [Turns off the light.] Sure thing dude. [He unlocks and opens the door.] Hey Dee. Figure out your thing?  
Dee: No. What’s with your hair?  
Charlie: Oh so the vents are weird and more of the shocky light stuff was bouncing around.  
Dee: They’re metal Charlie. How are you not dead?  
Charlie: I think the light shit came from me dude.  
Dee: Charlie you’re like a walking backup generator.  
Charlie: I guess.  
Dennis: [Slowly getting to his feet.] what did you do now?  
Dee: Charlie’s shooting lightning.  
Dennis: How many times do we have to tell you not to stick things in the outlets?  
Charlie: I didn’t do that! It jumped at me!  
Dee: He’s totally telling the truth this time Dennis. Wait till you see Mac.  
Mac: [Walks in disgusted as Dee and Dennis’ dead mother.]  
Dennis: Mommy? [He looks like he could cry or puke.]  
Mac: [Punches himself in the face.] No dude it’s me! Isn’t that awesome!  
Dee: What the hell was that Mac.  
Charlie: Yeah dude that was kinda sick.  
Mac: How else was he supposed to believe me? [Upends a stool.] You guys suck!  
Dee: You literally could have been anyone else and changed back. Unbelieveable.  
Dennis: What the hell is happening?  
Charlie: Uh, duh, we’re superheroes. [Laughing like that was the obvious answer.]  
Dennis: All of us? [Charlie shrugs.] All I have is this dumb headache.  
Dee: Look at Captain Hangover here. Am I right? [No laughs.]  
Mac: Why did this happen to us?  
Charlie: Yeah! What gives man? I didn’t even go in the sewers yesterday.  
Mac: We gotta figure out your guys’ abilities.  
Dennis: Mine clearly relates to my large brain. [Rubs his forehead.]  
Dee: Yeah well I feel all floaty and weird so, wonder what that means.  
Mac: You’re probably just drunk already.  
Charlie: [Laughs.] Yeah, probably hitting- [He pauses, blinking fast. He sneezes.]  
[An arc of electricity jumps towards Dee.]  
[Dee startles backwards and flies halfway across the room.]  
Dee: What the shit was that?  
Charlie: Dee flew! Holy shit! These powers are awesome!  
Dennis: Goddamnit! [Getting worked up.] Why do you all have powers and not me?  
Dee: Maybe whining like a little bitch is your power.  
Charlie: Yeah but he always does that. [Dee high fives Charlie and she shrieks when he shocks her.] Oops. Sorry Dee.  
Dee: Jesus that hurt!  
Charlie: I don’t know how this works yet!  
Mac: Let’s go to the roof!

[All three run to the stairs. Dennis frowns but follows while rolling his eyes.]

[On roof.]  
Charlie: Okay. [Tries snapping his fingers. A small spark.] Sweet!  
Mac: Oh, Charlie, dude, you better never go in the basement and do that.  
Charlie: Why? This would be way more humane for the rats.  
Mac: Yeah, but what about a gas leak? You could blow Paddy’s up like the other building.  
Charlie: Huh, guess someone else has to get the rats now.  
Dee: I vote Dennis since he’s the one without powers.  
Dennis: Now hold on a-  
Mac: Dee’s right dude. [Grimaces.] Ugh, that left a bad taste in my mouth.  
Dennis: You see, it’s preposterous. I’m sure I have a power too.  
Dee: Not as cool as this one that’s for sure. [Dee hops ten feet in the air.]  
Dennis: Dee you are literally a bird. You look like one, you fly like one. It’s factual in so many ways.  
Dee: Whatever. You’re a literal bird. [Dead silence.] It- it doesn’t matter anyway Dennis. So what if I’m a bird? I don’t see you flying around. Or doing anything cool.  
Mac: [Claps his hands. Points at Dennis.] Dude, hold still. I wanna try something.  
[Mac crouches and his face looks constipated.]  
Dennis: Why is Mac trying to take a shit in front of me?  
Mac: I’m concentrating!  
Dee: Mac stop before you shit your pants.  
Dennis: Yeah no one wants to see that again.  
Mac: [Angry, stands up straight, triumphant as he morphs into Dennis.] A ha ha! I did it!  
Dennis: You don’t sound anything like me!  
Mac: But I look just like you! I bet we’d look the same nude!  
Dee: Oh boy. [She’s floating off the ground.]  
Charlie: Dee this feels kinda gay.  
Dee: Mac’s definitely way too eager to compare with real Dennis.  
Charlie: Not really subtle at all.  
Dee: We do know one thing.  
Charlie: Mac’s gonna jerk off as Dennis later?  
Dee: [Nods.] Oh yeah.  
Dennis: [Arguing, sounds cuts into the middle because Dee and Charlie covered it up.] The point is, Mac, is that you’re trying to get my pants off with myself as the motivator. And I know I’m a stunning specimen but c’mon, this is really gay.  
Mac: [Still as Dennis. Gets in real close and is quietly angry.] I’ve gotta know how good I am at this Dennis. You’re my best friend dude. And we’re just comparing you to yourself.  
Dennis: No, Mac. I’m not taking off my pants for you. [Puppy pout from Mac.] Stop that. We’ll do shirts okay? Happy?  
Mac: Yes! [Tears off his shirt.]


	2. Chapter 2

[Back inside the bar.]  
Mac: I think I gotta try again dude. The nipples were off.  
Dennis: The nipples were fine Mac.  
Mac: Fine isn’t the same thing as perfect Dennis!  
Dee: It doesn’t matter because your power’s dumb. You don’t sound like anyone but yourself. Me and Charlie are the only ones that have cool powers.  
[Charlie is making electricity arcs between his fingers.]  
Dee: Stop that.  
Charlie: You know guys I was thinking [Ignoring Dee.] what if we made costumes and did superhero stuff.  
Mac: Why?  
Charlie: Well, I bet the Waitress likes superheroes saving the day, and-  
Dee: Charlie this is way bigger than impressing someone that hates you. We could be famous.  
Mac: And rich! With a girl on each arm and people begging to have our babies.  
Dee: Movies made about us. TV shows.  
Mac: All the cheese you could ever want.  
Charlie: I do like cheese. Let’s go get costumes and come back!  
Dee: Remember though Charlie, you can’t tell anyone we’re super heroes now. We need to keep our new identities secret.  
Charlie: Oh shit. If someone finds out they could hurt the Waitress!  
Dee: No- yeah. Okay yeah, do it for the Waitress.  
Mac: This is gonna be awesome!  
[The three turn to go downstairs.]  
Dennis: Guys! [They turn back.] This is a silly idea. You’re not heroes. And you’re not twelve year olds.  
Charlie: We can be heroes, Dennis. [Heroes by David Bowie begins to play.]  
Dee: And your opinion doesn’t matter dickhole. You don’t have a power.  
[We can be heroes, just for one day.]

[Dennis is walking down the street. He’s brooding. He sees a beautiful woman standing with a man at the crosswalk. He smiles at her and she waves.]  
[She’s wearing a wedding ring.]  
[Dennis would maybe hit that. He nods.]  
[Before he even says anything her face changes and she turns to him. Kisses him. The husband isn’t even yelling.]  
[She steps back and looks confused.]  
[Dennis smirks.]

[Two hours later.]  
[Paddy’s Pub.]  
[All the regulars have been kicked out.]  
Charlie: I want a patriotic thing going on.  
Dee: A theme, Charlie.  
Charlie: Yeah!  
Mac: [Already in costume. He’s in his Nightman costume but has a mask instead of the makeup.] Why do you have Greenman then?  
Dee: [Laying out her Halloween peacock costume she switched for/stole.] Greenman isn’t very American.  
Charlie: He’s totally American! I’ve got these boxers too! [Holds up a pair of flag boxers.] And this cool mask! I just need a cool name like… Captain America!  
Dee: That’s already a thing.  
Charlie: Well, how about American Captain?  
Mac: Awful.  
Dee: Why not just be Greenman?  
Charlie: This is Greenman’s alter ego too you know. It’s gotta be cool. And American. Something with style! [He’s painting a blue lightning bolt onto the Greenman suit while wearing it.]  
Dee: Green… American?  
Mac: Green Americman!  
Charlie: That’s perfect! [Charlie starts pulling on the rest of his costume. Ending with tennis shoes.]  
Dee: Well I’m going to be The Peacock.  
Mac: The Peacock.  
Dee: Yep.  
Mac: You’re serious.  
Dee: Oh yeah. I got these fancy gloves that match and yellow tights so people don’t stare up my skirt.  
Mac: You’re making it really hard to make fun of you for being a bird woman when you’re embracing it so much.  
Dee: What now dickweed?  
Mac: Whatever. I need a name too.  
Dee: Aren’t you doing the Nightman thing?  
Charlie: Hey man that’s my character.  
Mac: I’m just recycling my costume. Both of you did it too!  
Dee: Yeah with our own stuff.  
Mac: That’s absolutely not true! Charlie those are my boxers!  
Charlie: He’s got me there.  
Mac: And you stole that costume on Halloween!  
Dee: Like five years ago. [Scoffs.] Get with the times Mac.  
[The bar door opens.]  
Charlie: We’re closed! [Gets his electricity charging.]  
Dennis: Guys, it’s me. [Hands up.]  
Charlie: How do we know you’re not Mac!?  
Mac: I’m right here dude.  
Charlie: Right. [Dusts off.] You’re good. For now.  
Dennis: Okay. Important news time. I have a power.  
Dee: Oh really.  
Dennis: Yes, I do in fact have a power.  
Dee: Do you whine people into doing what you want? [No laughs.] Hah? Am I right?  
Dennis: Let me demonstrate. Mac? [Mac jumps over by Dennis.] Excellent. Mac, I threw out all your crucifixes.  
Mac: [Enraged.] What!  
[Dennis nods and Mac calms. Smiling.]  
Dee: What.  
Mac: [Dennis nods again and Mac flips over a table.] That’s bullshit! Get them back!  
Dennis: Trash day.  
[Mac growls and goes to punch Dennis.]  
[Dennis nods and Mac calms.]  
Charlie: What’s happening?  
Dennis: I can control emotions. [He nods and Mac starts crying.]  
Dee: Well shit.  
Charlie: Dennis this sounds kinda…  
Dee: Bad. Horrible. Like you’ll abuse it to sleep with women.  
Dennis: [Nods to Mac, who smiles.] Now that would be irresponsible. And the first one was a genuine accident. I'm hurt you wrongly think so poorly of me.  
Dee: Okay, just stop molesting Mac’s brain! It’s creepy as hell.  
[Dennis nods and Mac starts blinking very fast.]  
Mac: What just happened?  
Dee: No big deal. Dennis just manipulated your emotions for his benefit.  
Mac: Damn it. Stop doing that dude!  
Dennis: I got these powers today Mac.  
Mac: Yeah I know. [Avoiding eye contact.]  
Dennis: So you’re all really doing this costume thing? Are you five years old?  
Dee: So you’re not going to try and be a famous hero?  
Dennis: No, because unlike all of you I am a practical, reasonable person.  
Mac: But what about the Fabulous Four?  
Charlie: No. No way. If that’s the group name I’m going solo.  
Dennis: That name is terrible, Mac. And if you want four people go get Frank.  
Dee: Where is Frank?  
Charlie: He wasn’t at the apartment. Maybe he's at the bridge.  
Mac: Then we have to be a trio. How about-  
Dee: I’m with Charlie on this. I’m going solo.  
Mac: C’mon guys. [Charlie and Dee are leaving.] At least help with my name.  
Dee: Copycat.  
Mac: [Hums.] What do you think Den?  
Dennis: Mac you’re wearing cat eye contacts.  
Mac: So maybe?


	3. Chapter 3

[Charlie.]  
[He’s walking around in costume.]  
[In the distance.] He stole my purse!  
[Charlie snaps into action.]  
[A thief is running down the sidewalk.]  
[Charlie prepares his electricity and hits the man in the chest.]  
[He goes down, convulsing. The woman grabs her purse.]  
Woman: Thank you!  
Charlie: No need for thanks ma’am. Just a superhero making this city safe.  
[People are clapping and patting him on the back. He’s laughing with some of the people and puts his foot on the back of the thief.]  
[Across the street is a van. A hooded figure is watching from the driver’s seat.]  
[Ominous music.]

[Dee.]  
[She helps get a frisbee from a roof.]  
[And a cat from a tree.]  
[Pretty much everything up higher that people can’t reach.]  
[Everyone is trying to look up her skirt, leggings be damned.]  
Dee: All in a day’s work of a famous superhero. [Hands a cat to a child.]  
Child: Thank you bird lady.  
Dee: Oh, how sweet. But it’s actually The Peacock.  
Child: Does that mean you’re a boy?  
Dee: Wh- uh- no I’m- You know what, we’ll go with Bird Lady, how about that?

[Mac.]  
[He’s walking around as Dennis again.]  
[He walks into Dennis’ gym.]  
Mac: Excuse me. I’d like to add a person onto my membership.  
Worker: Your name is?  
Mac: Dennis Reynolds.  
Worker: Okay, I’ve got you pulled up. Did you ever figure out who was using your name Mr. Reynolds?  
Mac: Oh, oh yeah. Totally. See, it was a miscommunication on my part. He was supposed to be added months ago, but I misunderstood the process.  
Worker: What is the person’s name?  
Mac: Mac. [She’s waiting for more.] That’s it.  
Worker: I need a last name, Mr. Reynolds.  
Mac: Just use mine then. We’re roommates.  
Worker: Really? How long?  
Mac: About ten years now.  
Worker: That’s so sweet. Congrats.  
Mac: [Confused.] Thanks? So, when can he start using the membership?  
Worker: [Typing.] We’ll add the increased fee to your bill.  
Mac: That’s fine.  
Worker: And we need his picture on file.  
Mac: Okay, perfect. I’ll tell him now. He’s in the area so it shouldn’t take long.  
Worker: No rush.  
Mac: Great. Thank you!  
[Mac runs to a gas station. Goes in the bathroom. Punches himself in the face. Morphs back to Mac. Runs back to the gym.]  
Worker: Can I help you?  
Mac: [Out of breath.] Hi, I’m Mac. Dennis said-  
Worker: Right, that was quick.  
Mac: I was out for a run.  
[No one is brave enough to mention the contacts and mask.]  
Worker: Are you ready for a picture?  
Mac: Yeah! Course. [She takes his picture.] Am I good to go?  
Worker: All good.  
Mac: Awesome.  
Worker: Say, you two really sound alike.  
Mac: Well, you know what they say about people living together so long.  
Worker: [Chuckles.] Yeah.  
Mac: [Laughs.] Well, I’m gonna get to it.  
[Mac walks to the locker rooms. Pauses.]  
[Goes into the Men’s as himself.]  
[A woman walks out and goes into the Women’s locker room.]  
Mac: Holy shit.

[Charlie.]  
[He’s quite obviously following the Waitress.]  
[Waitress is on her bike doing a delivery.]  
Charlie: Hello!  
Waitress: [Stops her bike.] Who’re you?  
Charlie: Oh, just a super hero.  
Waitress: A super hero.  
Charlie: Yeah, just so you know, I’d do anything to protect you. [Double guns. A small arc of electricity goes between the two fingers.]  
Waitress: Okay? Thanks?  
[She turns to continue biking.]  
[A van pulls up beside her and parks.]  
[Charlie sprints over to get between Waitress and the van.]  
[The side door opens.]  
Charlie: Step back man! [Tries to shock the people inside.]  
Masked Man: We’re not here for her.  
[Two men wrestle Charlie into the van.]  
[He shocks one but the other gets him pinned.]  
Waitress: Hey what are you doing?  
Charlie: Get out of here! [Struggling.]  
Waitress: Should I call the cops or-?  
Leader: No police! [He pulls out a small firearm.]  
Charlie: No!  
[The leader hits Charlie on the back of the head.]

[A flash of Charlie on the floor of the van. Unconscious.]  
[A sharp turn throws him into the side.]

[Dennis.]  
[He’s walking around some restaurants.]  
[A busty redhead smiles at him.]  
Dennis: Hey. You know, I think you and I make a cute couple. [He nods.]  
[Her lips part a fraction. She leans in.]  
[He kisses her.]  
[They pull back.]  
[Her eyes clear.]  
Mac: Dennis it’s me.  
Dennis: OH MY GOD! WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU!  
Mac: I got caught in your web man! Your powers are strong!  
Dennis: You’re the one using your powers on me!  
Mac: NO! I’ve been going in girl’s bathrooms!  
Dennis: Dude I kissed you! [Spits to clear his mouth.]  
Mac: That was your choice you… you… succubus!  
Dennis: [Face in hands.] I feel so unclean.  
Mac: Well as long as we go confess…  
Dennis: Shut up Mac. I can’t talk to you when you look like that.  
Mac: [Mac punches his face.] Better? [He still has the costume on.]  
Dennis: No, not even a little, because now you’re Charlie’s weird child rapist.  
Mac: No I’m Copycat! Now come on! [Starts dragging Dennis towards a church in the background.]

[Both cram into a confessional.]  
Mac: Forgive us father for we have sinned.  
Priest: Why are you both in there together?  
Dennis: Good point. [Turns to leave.]  
Mac: We have performed a homosexual act.  
Dennis: Hold on, he tricked me into it.  
Mac: Because he forced me!  
Priest: I’m sorry, what are you confessing to?  
Mac: [Huffs.] He used his po-ow! [Dennis punched him.]  
Dennis: You can’t tell him about that!  
Mac: It’s confession!  
Dennis: You can’t tell anybody about that! If you insist on outing yourself at least let me leave.  
Mac: Don’t you dare Dennis!  
Dennis: I can make you let me. How would that feel?  
Mac: [Puppy face.] Bad.  
Dennis: Yes, bad. Now come on. Let’s get out of here.  
Mac: But confession-  
Dennis: Screw confession. Excuse me, father, I’m an atheist. We’re going to get out of here.  
Mac: I’ll be back! [Dennis drags Mac out of the booth.]  
Priest: [Draws a cross with his hand and watches them go.]


	4. Chapter 4

[A dark room.]  
[Charlie startles awake. Zoom out. He’s tied to a chair.]  
Charlie: Hello?  
Leader: Green Americman. We meet at last. [He’s wearing a hooded robe.]  
Charlie: Let me go! What did you do with the Waitress?  
Leader: She was unharmed. It’s you I wanted.  
Charlie: You’re gonna regret that buddy. [Tries and fails to make a spark.] What did you do to me!?  
Leader: You’re little sparks were getting in my way, so I dealt with them. Permanently.  
Charlie: NO! [Struggling. The chair tips onto its side.] You won’t get away with this! The others-!  
Leader: Will fall just like you, Charlie.  
Charlie: Wh- how?  
Leader: [Pulls back the hood. It’s Frank.]  
Charlie: Frank!? Why?  
[Frank rights the chair with Charlie’s help.]  
Frank: It had to be done. [He tears off Charlie’s mask.] You’re all a danger to society, especially Dennis.  
Charlie: No we-! Well Dennis yeah he’s gonna get a bunch more warrants at this rate.  
Frank: None of you know how to control these powers. That’s why I’m putting a stop to all of this before it gets out of hand.  
Charlie: We were gonna keep Philly safe!  
Frank: You’re all going to destroy Philly trying to protect it.  
Charlie: Goddamnit Frank! [Struggling again.] You won’t win this! I’ll get my power back! You’ll see!  
[Frank knocks Charlie out again.]

[Extreme close up on Charlie’s face. He’s sleeping.]  
[His eyes pop open. He sits up and looks around.]  
[He’s in his apartment. Untied. Green Americman sans mask.]  
[He tries to spark.]  
[Starts hyperventilating and pulling off his costume.]

[Paddy’s Pub.]  
[Dee and Mac are in costume.]  
Dennis: You’re both really going to keep wearing those?  
Dee: Yeah Dennis. See, the bar is how our alter egos lead normal lives. But if we’re heroes in the bar, eventually people will flock to the bar to get a good look at the saviors of Philadelphia. And then our alter egos will also make a butt ton of cash. Double rich, and famous.  
Dennis: Is that why you’re doing all this? Hoping for a movie about yourself since you obviously can’t get into acting to save your life.  
Dee: What? It’s for the good of Philly Dennis. [Totally lying.]  
Dennis: And Mac just used his powers so he could kiss me.  
Mac: That’s not true! You used your power on me!  
Dennis: Because I thought you were a woman!  
Mac: He just admitted to trying to seduce me Dee. That’s it, Dennis is our arch enemy.  
Dennis: All you did with your power was go into women’s bathrooms!  
Mac: No! I also got myself on your membership.  
Dennis: What? You added yourself to my membership?  
Dee: Oh boy.  
Mac: Yeah dude it’s no big deal.  
Dennis: It is a big deal! You’re running around stealing my identity!  
Dee: I have an important question. They took your photo, right?  
Mac: Of course. [Scoff.] That’s how gyms work Dee.  
Dee: Right right. So, when they took this photo, you were you right?  
Mac: Of course.  
Dee: Real name?  
Mac: My alter ego needs to workout as much as Copycat, Dee.  
Dee: And you took off all your Copycat shit before giving them your very real name?  
Mac: [Eyes open wide.] Shit.  
Dennis: Great job Mac. Not only did you steal my identity, literally, you also revealed your superhero identity the first day you got your powers.  
Mac: Um, yep. Yep that sounds about right. But! But I also found out a real injustice! Dennis! Girl’s bathrooms are way better than Boy’s!  
Dee: Wait, that’s why you went into the Lady’s room?  
Mac: A lot of them have couches! Dude they are way nicer. I demand bathroom equality!  
Dennis: This is so stupid.  
[The bar door slams against the wall.]  
[Charlie runs into the bar in just his boxers and blue paint on his chest.]  
Dee: Woah, um, hey Charlie. Where’s your costume?  
Mac: Where are your pants?  
Dennis: Charlie this isn’t sanitary.  
Dee: Is he crying?  
Charlie: [Trying to talk but it comes out as whiny nonsense.]  
Dennis: I’ll fix this.  
Dee: Dennis come on, that’s twisted. He’s a grown man, and if he wants to cry like a three year old then that’s his choice. But in the back office away from the regulars.  
Mac: He does cry really gross.  
Dee: It’s the snot.  
Mac: C’mon buddy. [Mac guides Charlie to the back office.]  
[Mac wrestles Charlie into a Paddy’s Pub sweatshirt.]  
[Dee and Dennis join them.]  
Dee: What the hell is going on with you Charlie?  
Mac: Where’s Green Americman?  
Charlie: [Stuttering.] F-F-Frank! He-he-he-  
Mac: Snap out of it dude!  
Charlie: Frank took it!  
Dee: What.  
Dennis: Took it?  
Charlie: My power! [Cinches the sweatshirt hood over his face and sits on the floor. He pulls the bottom over his legs.]  
Mac: What he can do that? [Crouches.] How’d he do it Charlie?  
Charlie: I don’t know! I was following the Waitress so I could save her if she got in trouble-  
Dennis: Even Charlie had terrible motives.  
Dee: Don’t say it as if what you’re doing is the better plan Dennis! You’re forcing more women to sleep with you!  
[Dee and Dennis continue arguing in the background.]  
[Close up on Charlie and Mac.]  
Charlie: [Whispering.] He was gonna hurt her dude. [Peeking out from under the hood.]  
Mac: We gotta stop him. [Looks over his shoulder.] Maybe not until after he does it to Dennis.  
Charlie: Yeah maybe. [Wipes his nose.] God this sucks. I think I’m gonna barf, dude.  
Mac: We’ll avenge you dude. [Manly hug.]  
Charlie: Uh this hug feels weird when you’re dressed like Nightman.  
Mac: Dude I’m trying to make you feel better.  
Charlie: Just, [Holds out a hand to stop Mac.] no more hugs dude.  
Mac: I could do it as the Waitress.  
Charlie: [Nods.] Yeah, that sounds pretty good.  
[Mac morphs into the Waitress and hugs Charlie.]  
Dee: What the hell are you two doing?  
[They pull apart.]  
Dee: Nevermind. Mac you ready to roll?  
Mac: Hell yeah! [Punches his face.]  
Dee: Okay, I’ve accepted it but I gotta ask. What the hell?  
Charlie: Yeah I thought it was kinda weird too.  
Mac: Oh, I can’t turn back unless I punch my face.  
Dee: Sounds kind of terrible.  
Dennis: And painful.  
Mac: Oh it is. I punch really hard.  
Dee: We’re gonna work on that when we’re done with Frank.  
Charlie: While you’re there can you try to get my power back? I miss the tingly feeling.  
Dee: Well no promises Charlie. We don’t even know how we got these powers let alone how Frank took yours.  
Mac: Dee, we know how we got the powers.  
Dee: What now?  
Mac: It’s obviously the work of the Lord.  
Dee: Are you kidding me?  
Mac: He works in mysterious ways.  
Dee: Superpowers, Mac? And what about Dennis’ power?  
Dennis: I gotta say this. Mac, none of us has been angelic with their powers. Dee wants fame.  
Dee: Only reason I helped any of those jerkoffs.  
Dennis: You went in women’s restrooms and tricked me into kissing you.  
Mac: No you tricked me!  
Dennis: Tomato tomato. Charlie was stalking the Waitress.  
Charlie: I stopped a guy stealing a lady’s purse too. The Waitress wasn’t even around then.  
Dennis: Charlie is the closest anyone got and Frank swooped in and dealt with that already.  
Mac: It’s a test! We have to stop Frank! For Charlie!  
Charlie: Yeah!  
Dee: Charlie, you’re staying here. Bar tend or something.  
Charlie: Sure, but all the labels are like, misprinted or something because-  
Dee: Nevermind, nevermind. Stay away from the bar. Stay back here. Okay? Okay. Guys? Let’s do this!  
[Dee and Mac put their hands in for a group cheer.]  
[Dennis pushes through them on his way out.]


	5. Chapter 5

[Downtown.]  
Dennis: This is stupid. We don’t even know where Frank is right now.  
Dee: Well I tried flying up to see Dennis but he’s nowhere outside or he’s real far away from here. And I’m gonna be honest my legs are getting tired.  
Mac: You can fly! Are you a flightless bird now?  
Dee: Shut up Mac. You couldn’t even keep your identity a secret for one day.  
Dennis: And all you did was piggyback onto my gym membership and sit around in women’s restrooms. Which is weird dude. You’re a grown ass man and you never spend that much time in the bathroom anyway.  
Mac: Well maybe I would if they guy bathrooms were as nice as the ladies.  
Dee: Right sure. This is just stupid. Why are we looking for the guy who can take away our powers?  
Mac: We gotta avenge Charlie, Dee. I can’t believe you’re being so heartless.  
Dee: Heartless, right. Listen, you two keep doing whatever you’re doing. I’m going to spread word about my awesome abilities to save the city.  
Dennis: Sure whatever. [Nods.] Tell you what though, Dee. Frank is obviously doing this to try and perpetuate crime in Philly.  
Dee: Well, sure Dennis we know that.  
Dennis: Stopping a guy like that would really up your street cred.  
Dee: Cred is good. Cred is real good. All the kids want a hero with cred.  
Dennis: And what better way than to stop Frank? Here’s what I’m thinking. Frank definitely has help with this.  
Mac: Who would help Frank?  
Dee: Bridge people. Oh shit Dennis you’re right.  
Dennis: Shake down the bridge people and you’ll find your man.  
Dee: Oh shit. Alright. Alright yeah!  
[Dee flies off.]  
Mac: How did that work so well?  
[Dennis taps his temple and Mac pouts.]  
Mac: Did you use that on me again?  
Dennis: What? No, no Mac, [Hand to Mac’s shoulder.] no, not to you, to Dee. Now, we are going to help her once she finds Frank. Can’t let her have all the glory.  
Mac: Well, course not. She’ll just gag on camera and freak people out with her bird body.  
Dennis: Exactly. But in the meantime, let’s relax. Enjoy the day. And you owe me a dinner for making me kiss you.  
Mac: But you made me-!  
Dennis: Semantics, Mac. How about we buy each others dinner?  
Mac: Yeah?  
Dennis: Guigino’s is calling my name, dude.

[Dee is flying around the city. She spots one of Duncan’s crew.]  
Dee: Hey! Stop right there!  
[She proceeds to fly around the man and confuse him until hitting him in the head.]  
Dee: Where’s Frank?  
Man: Who the hell is Frank?  
Dee: Great. Perfect. You don’t even know Frank? Are you kidding me? How about Duncan then? That sound good?  
[The man points Dee in the direction of Duncan.]  
Dee: Better lay low asswipe. Shit’s gonna go down.

[Guigino’s.]  
Dennis: We’ll have a table.  
Hostess: Do you have a reservation?  
Dennis: No, but I’m sure there is some room for us. [Nods.]  
[She’s immediately apologetic.]  
Hostess: Oh, of course! Right this way.  
[A bunch of angry people watch Mac and Dennis get seated before them at one of the best tables in the restaurant.]  
Dennis: Now this is more like it. A nice table, a nice afternoon, and my best p- Can you please take off that ridiculous costume.  
Mac: No way dude. I already screwed up this whole secret identity thing once today. I’m not switching now. Everyone would figure it out!  
Dennis: Fine, fine. It’s not going to be that hard for people to figure out anyway though.  
Mac: What do you mean?  
Dennis: For the love of, the gym, dude! Your picture! If you intend to keep this going then you’re going to be found out in like, five minutes.  
Mac: Uh, I’ll just go there and get a new photo.  
Dennis: It may already be too late.  
Mac: No way-  
Waiter: What can I get you two today?  
Dennis: Hold on. M- What ever the hell you want to be called. Copykitten.  
Mac: Copycat.  
Dennis: No.  
Mac: Well I don’t know what you want from me, dude!  
Waiter: Um, would you prefer to start with wat-  
Dennis: Excuse me sir! We are having a conversation!  
Waiter: I’m terribly sorry, sir. Perhaps if I give you some time-  
Dennis: Yes! Thank you! [Rolls his eyes.] Honestly.  
Mac: What if I make a show of leaving, and then come back as somebody else.  
Dennis: Sure, fine. Whatever you want to do as long as we can eat.  
Mac: [Stands.] Oh, uh, I forgot! [Being very theatrical.] I have a meeting downtown with the-! Uh…  
Dennis: Dentist.  
Mac: Yeah! And I’ll have to do this another time! [Winks obviously at Dennis.] See you!  
[About five minutes later ‘Carmen’ walks in and joins Dennis.]  
Dennis: Of course you would go as the tranny.  
Mac: I was in a pinch dude! I wanted to be convincing.  
Dennis: Shh! You still have a man voice, though with the material it’s fitting. Just whisper or better yet, don’t talk at all.  
Mac:[Whispering.] Fine. Can I get the fish?

[Dee flies very fast towards Duncan.]  
Dee: Okay dickhole, I have flown all over town looking for you because all your goddamn cronies don’t know Frank. Tell me where he is or I swear to God I’ll burn your apartment down and all your little bridge buddies inside!  
Duncan: Yeah, I know a Frank. Who wants to know?  
Dee: Bird Lady wants to know you little bitch. Now I swear if you send me on another wild goose chase like the rest of your little buddies-  
Duncan: Fifty bucks.  
Dee: What now.  
Duncan: You heard me.  
Dee: For the- [Picks him up and flies up high.] What now huh? What now?  
[Duncan screams and points her in a direction.]

[Guigino’s.]  
[Mac as Carmen is squirming.]  
Dennis: What the hell is wrong now?  
Mac: I gotta go to the bathroom, dude.  
Dennis: So go.  
Mac: Which one?  
Dennis: I- I don’t actually know. Did you do pre or post?  
Mac: Pre, dude. I don’t wanna piss sitting.  
Dennis: So go to the men’s.  
Mac: I have boobs!  
Dennis: And a dick! And, you’re actually a man!  
Mac: But it’ll look like I’m trying to bang in the bathroom!  
Dennis: Only if you keep bringing attention to it, dude! Just go into the lady’s room if it’ll make you chill out.  
Mac: But it’s going to look way better-  
Dennis: I don’t care! Go to the bathroom! For God’s sake I’ll drag you in there if I have to!  
Mac: I’d like to see you try dude!  
[They get into a sissy fight and Dennis drags Mac to the lady’s room.]

[Outside Paddy’s.]  
[Dee is storming down the sidewalk.]  
Dee: Goddamn sonofabitch. Sending me all over town again. Those jerk turkeys better be ready I swear to God.  
[Charlie is inside behind the bar. No patrons are inside. He’s playing with a tower of shot glasses.]  
Dee: Charlie what the hell.  
Charlie: Hey Dee. Y’know, these stack good. We should make shot tower night a thing.  
Dee: Sure Charlie. Say, do you know where Mac and Dennis are?  
Charlie: Weren’t you all looking for Frank?  
Dee: Those jerkoffs went off on their own. But I found the bastard, Charlie.  
Charlie: And you’ll get my power back? Cuz I’m gonna be honest I was really hoping to impress the Waitress with my skills and she never got to see them because of Frank.  
Dee: Sure Charlie. Otherwise, hey, maybe you can always say you’re friends with superheroes and she’ll still hate you, she’ll hate you because you’re her stalker Charlie. Jesus I mean, how can you not see it?  
Charlie: No way dude, I’m keeping her safe. She told me to keep doing what I do.  
Dee: Yeah I don’t believe that at all.  
[Mac and Dennis walk in. Mac is currently himself for now.]  
Dee: Where were you boners at?  
Mac: Gui- [Dennis elbows him.] oof!  
Dennis: Dead ends unfortunately. No luck finding Frank.  
Dee: Well while you two were jacking off I tracked him down. Guess where that bastard is hiding out?


	6. Chapter 6

[The Bridge.]  
Dee: He better be under here, because if not and we went all this way… [Flails angrily.]  
Dennis: Where else would Frank make his secret lair? Hey Frank! [Banging a crowbar against the concrete.] Come out Frank!  
Mac: Why do you have that dude?  
Dennis: Charlie was the only one with a power that actually attacks people. So I have this.  
Mac: Maybe you should just hang back Den.  
[A crackling of electricity.]  
Frank: So glad you came.  
Mac: That’s Charlie’s power!  
Frank It’s mine now. [Shock towards Mac, he dodges.] And with it I can take you all down.  
Dennis: Guess again Frank. [Nods to Mac, who immediately looks angry.]  
[Mac starts doing his karate. He jabs at Frank and Frank shocks his leg.]  
Mac: FUCK! [Massaging his leg.] DAMNIT FRANK! [Lunges.]  
[Frank hits him in the chest and Mac goes down, groaning.]  
Dee: Well shit. Better stay back Dennis, you’re probably- [Dennis nods and she gets angry.] I’ll get you Frank!  
[Dee hop/flies around Frank, dodging his shocks.]  
Frank: You’re no match Deandra. Only a matter of… Time! [He shocks her shoulder.]  
Dee: SHIT! [Falters, one knee on the ground.] You won’t get away with this Frank.  
Frank: Au contraire, Deandra. [Shocks her chest. Dee twitches on the ground.] And now it’s only Dennis.  
Dennis: Hello, Frank.  
Frank: Any last words?  
Dennis: Two. Thank you.  
Frank: What?  
[Dennis nods.]  
[Frank stumbles, looking dazed.]  
Dennis: You see, Frank, it’s stupid to start a monologue before your enemy is down. And now, I have all the time in the world. And I say thank you in a sincere way. Without your help these idiots would have tried to stop me, but now, without their help, I can do what I want to you.  
Frank: Can’t… let…  
Dennis: But you will, Frank. I have all the power.  
Frank: Dangerous. Gotta… [Wobbles.]  
Dennis: It’s been nice knowing you Frank. It’s a shame we have to part.  
[Dennis swings the crowbar.]  
[Black screen.]


	7. Chapter 7

[Paddy’s Pub.]  
[12:12 pm.]  
[Dee is passed out on the pool table, still wearing her peacock costume.]  
[Dennis is asleep on the bartop with one leg hanging off.]  
[Mac and Charlie are in the corner booth. Charlie is in his boxers and a sweatshirt. Mac is wearing Nightman still. His nose has blood under it.]  
[Bar door opens.]  
Frank: [Banging two pots together.] Wake up assholes!  
[Charlie rolls off the booth and sits up. His eyes are still shut.]  
Charlie: Whu hapn?  
Frank: Rise and shine! [Bangs them by Dennis’ ear.]  
Dennis: [Startles and groans.] What?  
Dee: What the hell Frank? [Holding her stomach.]  
[Charlie knee walks to Mac’s face and starts lightly slapping him.]  
Charlie: Wake up dude. [Eyes shut again.]  
Mac: [Blinks, has the cat contacts in. His eyes are very red.] Charlie get off. [Sits up. His legs are now visible, and bare. He looks down.] Where are my pants?  
Frank: We’ll get to that.  
Charlie: Why’d you take my sparks man?  
Frank: Let me talk! What do you all think you did yesterday?  
Dee: Well, we tried to avenge Charlie against you. Crap did you win?  
Frank: No no, no one won.  
Dennis: I did, if I remember correctly. Why are you alive?  
[Frank’s face is also unharmed.]  
Frank: You didn’t win shit. You wanna know what really happened?  
Dennis: I’m pretty certain everyone bowed down to me. [Massaging his temples.]  
Frank: No! You were high as shit!  
Dennis: What?  
Dee: But we had superpowers!  
Frank: That’s what you thought. Believe me the real thing wasn’t pretty. Deandra was hopping around like a dumbass flightless bird all day, dressed as a Goddamned peacock.  
Dee: Ugh, explains the legs and stomach. [She shrugs off the tail feathers.]  
Frank: Mac, you were creepy as hell. Going in ladies’ restrooms and punching yourself in the face all over Philly!  
Mac: What about my pants!  
Frank: You shit your pants at least five times yesterday. Be grateful Duncan took care of you.  
Mac: That makes me feel worse! I shit my pants!?  
Frank: All over the city.  
Mac: And your bridge buddy Duncan molested me!  
Frank: He just wiped. I got your back, Mac.  
Mac: Great. Thanks Frank. Thanks.  
Frank: No problem.  
Mac: [Stands up and vomits on the floor.] Ugh I feel like shit.  
Dee: [Sympathy gags. Throws up on the pool table.] Damnit Mac!  
Dennis: Well I was certainly a fine specimen right Frank? Perfectly normal. I didn’t go around dressed up like these idiots.  
Frank: Are you kidding? You had every mood swing known to man. Laughing and crying and trying to kiss women! You and Mac were going at it at Guigino’s. [Eyebrows go up and down.]  
Dennis: Not Guigino’s!  
Frank: It’s true.  
Mac: I kissed a dude! [Distraught.]  
Frank: You and Dennis were going crazy.  
[Mac starts praying right by his puke.]  
Charlie: What about me?  
Frank: You had this. [Pulls out a taser.] Sorry I had to take you out so quick Charlie. I bet the Waitress would’ve been smitten.  
Charlie: Did I really stop a thief?  
Frank: You tased Cricket when he took an apple. Close enough.  
Dennis: How did you even see all of this?  
Frank: Duncan and his crew owed me. You guys were losing your minds all over Philly, and I wasn’t going to take the blame.  
Dee: Hold on, we didn’t even take anything.  
Frank: Sure you did. I slipped you all PCP.  
Mac: What? [Stops praying.] Why!?  
Frank: I’ve never had it before.  
Dennis: And you tested it out on us first!?  
Frank: And I’m glad I did. You’re all young and it did this to you. That shit could kill me!  
Dee: It could have killed us!  
Frank: No one got hurt.  
Mac: I punched myself in the face! [Grimaces.] Am I missing a tooth!  
[Mac opens wide. No right canine.]  
Charlie: Yep, right here dude. [Points.]  
Mac: Damn it Frank!  
Dee: Take us home Frank! I swear to God if you don’t give us a ride right now-  
Frank: Fine, fine. I’ve got the van parked out back.

[All in van. Charlie has shotgun. Dennis and Dee in center. Mac in back.]  
Charlie: So now that I’m sober can I have the spark thing?  
Dennis: You will not give him that taser Frank.  
Frank: Here ya go Charlie. [Hands it over.]  
Charlie: This thing is so cool.  
Dee: Goddamnit Frank! Charlie doesn’t need a taser!  
Charlie: [Buzzes the taser and laughs.] Man these things are awesome.  
Ma: [Holding his stomach.] Frank pull over.  
Frank: No extra stops. I got a schedule to keep.  
Mac: Frank I need to throw up.  
Frank: Then open the door.  
Mac: [Crawls up to the middle row and opens the sliding door.] Hang onto me Dennis.  
Dennis: You cannot be serious. [Mac flops on his lap and starts throwing up out the door. Dennis’ hands are up. Charlie and Dee look at Dennis expectantly.]  
[Dennis rolls his eyes and puts a hand on Mac’s back.]  
[Mac shuts the door but stays put.]  
Dee: If Mac’s staying up here I’m taking the back. [Crawls back and spreads out.]  
Dennis: Damn it Dee! I don’t want this! [Still obviously patting Mac’s back.]  
Charlie: [Sits up.] Woah Frank slow down it’s the Waitress.  
Frank: I got a schedule!  
Charlie: Fine. [Opens the door and rolls out.]  
Dee: Woah what!  
Dennis: What the hell was that?  
Frank: Man’s on a mission.  
Dee: Is he dead?  
Frank: [Looks in rear view mirror. Charlie waves.] Naw he’s fine.

[Cut to Charlie running up to Waitress.]  
Charlie: Wait up!  
Waitress: What Charlie OH MY GOD.  
Charlie: Huh? Oh the boxers. See-  
Waitress: The taser Charlie! Why do you still have that? [Getting her phone.]  
Charlie: No no no wait please, wait. I just wanna talk.  
Waitress: [Hangs up.] Set it on the ground first.  
Charlie: Do you want it?  
Waitress: No Charlie I… Yes. Yes give me the taser. Slowly.  
[Charlie holds out the handle end. He’s touching the connectors.]  
[Waitress grabs it and steps back.]  
Waitress: I’m not giving it back.  
Charlie: That’s cool. Hey, then you can protect yourself.  
Waitress: That means I’ll probably want to use it on you Charlie.  
Charlie: No problem. I shocked myself a bunch yesterday.  
Waitress: Wait what-? No. No I’m not going to ask because you’ll think I’m interested in your life.  
Charlie: Well, you kind of already started to so…  
Waitress: No. Charlie no. Stop, just stop already okay?  
Charlie: So you don’t want to know?  
Waitress: Well, you were dressed like a superhero. And then Frank dragged you into his van. I don’t want to know. No. Not at all.  
Charlie: Frank slipped us all PCP.  
Waitress: That… no. You know what, I’m going to go, Charlie. [Starts walking.] But I wouldn’t take it again.  
[Charlie smiles.]

[Frank’s van.]  
[Mac has adjusted to sitting in front of Dennis with his head in Dennis’ lap.]  
Dee: What is this? World’s laziest blow job?  
Mac: If I sit up I’ll barf again.  
[Dennis makes lewd faces.]  
Dee: [Laughs but groans in pain.] Stomach muscles can suck a dick!  
Dennis: Sorry, Mac’s already beat them to it.  
[Van stops at a Wendy’s.]  
Dee: Frank what the hell.  
Frank: I’m starving. Keeping you idiots in line yesterday wore me out.  
Mac: My eyes hurt.  
Dennis: You’re wearing those stupid contacts still.  
Mac: They’re too dry to take out.  
Dee: They’re why your eyes are dry dumb dumb.  
Mac: It’s a vicious cycle Dee!  
Dennis: Please stop yelling at my crotch. The poor thing gets enough mixed messages from you as it is.  
Mac: Is this near a church?  
Frank: Why?  
Mac: I gotta repent for letting Dennis make out with me.  
Frank: Oh that was a lie.  
Mac: [Sits up.] WHAT. [Looks green. Face back down.]  
Frank: Yeah, I wanted to mess with you.  
Mac: Oh thank God.  
[Dennis gestures to Mac helplessly.]  
[Dee shrugs.]

[Paddy’s Pub.]  
[Next evening.]  
[Dennis and Mac walk in. Mac has sunglasses on.]  
Dee: Where have you boners been now?  
Dennis: Free clinic. Mr. Cat Eyes stained his corneas.  
Mac: I gotta flush with these stupid eye drops every day.  
Dee: Well I hope you at least learned your lesson this time Frank.  
Frank: About what?  
Dee: Goddamnit, about drugging us!  
Frank: It turned out fine.  
Mac: I could have permanent damage dude!  
Frank: You didn’t even have the most.  
Mac: Who did!?  
Frank: Charlie.  
Dennis: What? But he was the least hungover out of anyone!  
Frank: Kid’s a tank.  
Mac: So I had like, second most, right?  
Frank: Try least you big pus-  
Dennis: Hey, you know, I think Frank should take some. It’s only fair.  
Frank: Are you kidding me? I’ll die for sure.  
Dee: You owe us something Frank. I don’t care what but I swear to God.

[Guigino’s.]  
Waiter: What can I, oh lord please not again.  
Frank: I’m buying for the table.  
Waiter: No, these two gentlemen are no longer welcome here. [Indicates Mac and Dennis.]  
Dennis: What? For what reason?  
Waiter: You made a scene yesterday. Yelling, horrible slurs. A woman started crying. You went into the women’s restroom, [Points at Mac.] and you followed him.  
Mac: Frank you said you were lying!  
Frank: I never went into the bathroom.  
Mac: But-but what if- and he- we [Starts hyperventilating.]  
[Charlie, Dee, and Frank all inch away to another table.]  
Waiter: I’ll have to ask you two to leave.  
Dennis: Fine. [Drags Mac up.] You’ll be hearing from us.  
Waiter: God please no.

[Outside.]  
Dennis: Can you believe the- what are you doing dude?  
Mac: I think I’m panicking dude!  
Dennis; Well, just, just breathe Mac.  
Mac: I don’t wanna go to hell!  
Dennis: You’re not going to hell for this. For God’s sake Mac we were both high. And don’t remember a thing.  
Mac: Yeah?  
Dennis: Yeah, totally not your fault. And I bet nothing even happened.  
Mac: Yeah? Yeah, okay. [Deep breath.] Okay.

[End Theme.]  
[Flash of Mac and Dennis making out in Guigino’s bathroom.]  
[Black screen.]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was very tempted to make the last chapter the final chapter for a week. Ignore the fic, and then come back with this. But I couldn't wait.
> 
> Everything I giveith, I takeith away.


End file.
